Absolute Nightmare

Third term project 2015

Self-portrait

Acrylic (Dala), Acrylic Retarder, Charcoal, old fantasy books from childhood, Paper Mache, newspaper, Leather thread, 2x canvasses.

Cari van Niekerk (me)

"That moment when your best just isn't good enough."

  - Cari van Niekerk.

Rough planning:

To begin this project, approximately a week was spent to just get the creative juices flowing. What I mean by that, is that I spent a week just to get my idea formed and roughly jot down all of the ideas that came to my head.

Like always, I struggled with this part, as I only use a theme for my art project that I really feel speaks to me, and not just the first thing that I think of. 

Since the theme for this project was dreams, I thought it to be a good idea to sleep a lot and then quickly jot down the main plot of the dreams that I had in my journal, by either using words or making a quick sketch of the the scenario or the person that stood out the most to me throughout the duration of this dream. This plan did not work out too well, since I for one, struggle to have dreams when I sleep, or to remember them at all once I wake up. 

Though I did struggle with this technique, I did end up with these pages in my art:

Rough sketches from dreams

After a while I started getting this dream that reoccurs almost every night. After you dream it for a few nights, you start to remember even the finest details of it. This dream, or "nightmare", went as follows:

Running through a dark forest being chased by someone without the slightest idea of how the living creature looks like.  Breathing relentlessly as we try to catch our breath as we grow ever more tired. We've been caught, and have no escape as yet. Sitting in a sealed confinement, with no contact to the outside world, no cellphone reception or anything to help us break our escape. My father is struggling with 21st century technology, mother is swaying back and forth like a pendulum clock, sister is busy staring into the depths of the unknown in a cold dark corner, and I, well I'm trying to scream in case someone hears us from the outside but yet I've lost my voice in the process which probably means we'll never find our escape. All we can do is pray and hope that we get out of this alive, as this feels like a nightmare that will never end.


I decided to base my art project on the feelings that evolved after experiencing this recurring dream. The feelings of when your best just isn't good enough. 

Final planning

I finally decided to take the concept of this dream, the feelings that it evoked, and make an actual artwork of it. This artwork does not signify the actual happenings that took place during this dream, but rather shows a rigorous exhibition of the feelings of when your best just isn't good enough. 

I decided to do this by splitting this art project into two different sections. The bottom half of this art piece (seen in the bottom half of the composition sketch) contains the feet of myself. This signifies that I cannot get away, even though I would really want to. The fact that this canvass is in black and white, means that this part of the dream is not remembered by me so vividly. This is about the only part of this project that is directly linked with the dream that it is based upon.

Rough composition
Left half = bottom canvass: Right half = top canvass

The part of the dream that it signifies, is the part where I am running away from the living creature that is following me. Even though I want to get away, and try my best to get away from this creature, he somehow has ties on me already, that prevents me from getting any further in my mission of getting away from him. This can be seen in the way that my legs are entwined and tied to prevent motion. 


On the top half of this canvass, I appear with a mouth that has grown shut and torn apart in desperation of being able to utter a word. This is why my face looks so gory. I am desperately trying to get away from the clutches that grasps me and prevents me from progress in the mission of making an as loud noise as possible just to get some help from the outside.

Explanation of the form

The hands in the background is holding me back and It is trying to prevent me from progressing. It is succeeding, even though I am desperate to progress.

There are stitches that bind the two canvasses together. These stitches signifies the fact that there are parts inside the dream that you never remember. It is the percentage of the dream that you forget after 10 seconds from waking up.

There are hands that reaches from the edges of this art work that are holding stitches that reaches into the middle of the canvass. These are puppeteer hands. They signify that, no matter what you try to do, you will never have full control over everything in your dreams.

Since I was the person who was the main character in my nightmare, I decided that it would only be fitting if I am the model for this artwork. 

Here are the pictures that I decided to use to paint this project:

Photos of myself posing for the artwork

I physically made the makeup that you can see on my face on the picture, before I took the pictures. The mask thing that is on my face, is made out of cotton, a gelatin mix, fake blood and a lot of makeup. After I modeled for the pictures, I took removed the gelatin and stuck down the mask inside my journal for safekeeping. Here it is:

More photos and the gelatin mask used for photos

The final product:

Here are a few pictures of how this project turned out to look like at the end of the third term.

Fist on the bottom, right corner

Bottom canvass close-up

Top canvass close-up

What everything signifies:

Background:

I am stacking books as well as old pages from the books, on top of each other. These symbolize that the unimaginable became a reality. The figures that you could only possibly think would exist in novels, actually became a reality. Thus it "climbed"out of the books and became a real, living nightmare. 

The strings that connects the two canvasses, signifies the gap that you get in dreams. 

Colour:

The colour of the hands that is holding this character, fades out into black, as it forms a part of the puppeteers. 

The top canvass:

Top canvass close-up

The top canvass is going to be in colour. That symbolizes that you remember

 your nightmares vividly. Your nightmares will not be forgot even about a few weeks, or even months after you had it. 

There are hands that are pulling me backward. They symbolize that I cannot reach my goal, no matter how hard I try. This means that my best just isn't good enough.

The torn mouth echoes the fact that I cannot say anything, no matter how hard I try to. It signifies the fact that my voice went hoarse as soon as I needed it the most.

The bottom canvass:

Bottom canvass close-up

My feet has been drawn out of charcoal. They signify that no matter how horrible a dream is, there is always a part of it that you can't seem to remember as vividly, as it did not scar you as much.

There is not going to be anything weird about this scenario. It represents the everyday dream, calmness and comfort. This is the type of dream that you are happy to have. This is also how your nightmares usually start out as.

Observation drawings:

Like every other term, there is also the perk of the observation drawings. Here are the five drawings that I made out of pen, as well as Acrylic paint:

Observation drawing: Impala Lilly painted out of Acrylics